Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
