He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
operation harelip BJ is a go
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
