I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize