Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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