She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
