apparently the secret to your success is patron
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
