Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
