I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
