I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All I want is dick and wine.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
