so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sober January is a disaster.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
