i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
