I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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