I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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