While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
