Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
