I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I would ride that face into the sunset
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
