Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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