Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
