her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We are all done wearing pants today
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
