so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
