i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm too high and old for this...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!