Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
