She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My bed smells like the plague
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
