my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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