i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
