She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
