I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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