I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
