He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
