we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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