i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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