Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
