This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
