the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
