So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
please don't ironically join a cult
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