My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
