i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
