What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
