I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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