Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
