She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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