So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize