so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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