i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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