I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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