I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
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Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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