Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
