I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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