somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
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just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
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I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
There's even glitter on my cock...
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