I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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