Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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