I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize