Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
