your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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