tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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