Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
