Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
